Reclaim Your Joy

There is no therapist on earth that can fix me the way 1000 miles on an open highway can fix me.

 Nothing can bring me back to myself more than a highway leading to an unknown destination.

I have been depressed, probably like the rest of the world, since 2020 when everything we knew collapsed and the world went mad. 

I have gained weight, lost interest, watched too much T.V. (to the point that I have created a spreadsheet to track it,) and spent money on gallons of wine. 

My self-medication of eating, drinking, and watching T.V. to disappear into fantasy worlds did not help me at all. 

This summer, Jeff and I decided after being fully vaccinated that either the vaccines worked or what was the point, and we thought we’d test it on a month-long road trip. We drove around 6000 miles around the U.S. in a meandering fashion.

On the first leg of our trip, we headed from Florida to Las Vegas, Nevada, on our annual trip to meet up with friends. 

We drove north from Fl, and things were going along nicely until we hit the sign that said Jackson, MS. It’s a place of trauma for me, where I had a tragic car crash many years ago. 

Every time I cross into that city, I feel my stomach tighten, and I brace myself until we reach the other side as though I think the city wants to devour me whole. This time, 40 years after my accident, when we crossed the city limit, I heard God whisper, “Reclaim your joy.” into my ear. 

I looked around; the sun was shining, and Jackson, Mississippi, didn’t look like it wanted to harm me. It looked welcoming, and I decided to lean into that feeling in my spirit and shake off the dread I had lived with for four decades. I took a deep breath and kept saying, “Reclaim your joy.” 

It isn’t easy to reclaim your joy when you feel as if you have lost nearly everything that ever mattered to you. Reclaiming your joy means moving forward when you are desperate to hold onto a life that doesn’t exist anymore. 

I know so many of us have experienced that these past two years. Perhaps you had your life set up just the way you wanted it, a home, a job, a family, and then the world caved in, and you lost your home, your job, or perhaps irreplaceable people you love died. How do you reclaim your joy after such losses? What do you rebuild on when it seems the world is still moving underneath your feet?

It’s a mental shift. It’s a choice. It’s saying, “Okay, I do not like how things went. I am not happy with the current state of things, yet I embrace life again. I choose to live instead of hide. I decide to DO instead of watch. I choose to drive 6000 miles, not knowing what I will encounter, instead of staying safe in my room. “

Every mile we drove, there was a wonder. In Gallup, New Mexico, we stumbled upon the historic and unique El Rancho hotel. If you haven’t been there, you must go. It’s filled with old movie memorabilia, and many westerns were filmed there. The ghost of John Wayne is probably hanging out in their lobby.

We stayed in President Reagan’s suite. If you know me, that’s delightfully ironic since I worked on the Carter campaign in 1980 and protested Reagan when he came to Akron. But now, I have slept in his bed, stared at his photos, touched all his stuff, and thought about what a lovely man he was despite my hippie liberal politics. Ha.

We stopped to get a picture of ourselves, “Standin’ on the corner in Winslow, Arizona,” and listened to Eagles songs melting out into the desert heat.

We partied with friends in Vegas, as hard as people middle-aged folks can party, and drank through the entire bar menu at our hotel. If only there were medals for such accomplishments, we’d collect the Gold.

We drove back from Vegas and stopped in the most incredible hotel in Iowa City, Iowa called the Highlander, which is fun and funky – a 60’s hippie vibe. It’s filled with old records, a turntable you can take to your room – an extraordinary chill space.

We stopped in Ohio, where we were both born and raised, to visit family and friends. We stopped by our old house, had a fun night out with college pals, and enjoyed the hospitality of our friend Bridget who let us stay in her riverside Oasis while in town. We had to do a few tricky things while we were home, and coming back to that peaceful setting every night gave us peace.

We drove back to Florida with full hearts. I have tried to take that “Reclaim your joy” “mantra to heart since that trip, and it’s a little more complicated when you aren’t on the road having adventures. 

As this year ends and a new one is nearly here, I want to remind myself to make Joy my daily aim. I want to stop looking back on a life that no longer exists and look forward to the possibilities ahead.